“You are closer, closer. You are closer, closer, closer than our fears.”
The message of this song by Tenth Avenue North is one that has been playing over and over in my mind as I finish my last semester of college. God is closer than our fears. God is closer than our fears. God is closer to me than all my fears that sometimes take over and consume my mind and heart, making me weary to the bone. It’s a mystery of His love that I don’t think we’ll ever fully be able to comprehend. But what a beautiful mystery to behold!
I thought at this point in my life I would be contemplating how God is closer than my fears of moving to New York, finding a job, and getting married in six months. Oddly enough, I’m able to trust Him in all those moments, despite stress and worries that do arise. However, where these thoughts speak to me are in my darkest fears. The kind that I hide, the kind that keep me up at night–the scary and humbling moments where I become acutely aware of my own humanity and how much I need God. I’ve had to pray with these lyrics over and over in the past few months as I’ve faced some of my toughest moments and conversations. I am a perfectionist and a people-pleaser, which is not a good combination when it comes to admitting my weaknesses, being honest with others about the deepest parts of myself, uncovering past hurts, and letting God in. Sometimes I am so scared of who I am that I have trouble pouring my heart out to God and saying, “Hey, I am really struggling right now. I need You.” And some days I think, “How can God be closer than this??” Well, the good news is that He always is. As said so beautifully in Psalm 139, He knows our every thought and action, and He knitted us together in our mothers’ wombs. God knew His plan for us before we even existed. And God is love. He sacrificed so much for us–the ultimate Mystery of Love to behold. I know this is said so often that it seems cliché, but it is said so often because it is true: God takes care of the tiniest details of our lives so well. All He asks is that we say yes. His will is so much better than our own. Is it scary? Yes, absolutely. How difficult it is to live the radical life of living in the world but not of the world. God often asks us to do crazy things. Look at His Son and the Apostles. “Drop your nets and follow Me!” This meant leaving their jobs, their families, their wants and desires, hopes and dreams behind. But the Apostles did. There was just something about Jesus that they couldn’t quite put their finger on but knew they had to follow Him. And what a journey He took them on! I pray that all of us can say that kind of yes to God, bit by bit, day by day, whatever it takes. And He will lead us on the most beautiful journey that exceeds our wildest dreams. A journey of being a light for the world. A journey of love. And a journey of true peace and joy that only He can give. God is closer than our fears. And how He rejoices when we surrender our fears, our joys, and our entire beings to Him!
God is with you always. ♥